Monday, November 26, 2012

small grains

Today I was skimming through Facebook and I noticed a comment that was made in response to a friend's status update. The comment had to do with finding one occurrence a day that you were truly grateful for, something that made a difference, lit you up, tickled your toes.

A few weeks ago I tried doing that and it just fell flat. I quickly went back into my old ways of worry, distraction, fault finding--with my own self and others.

With the holidays coming up, there really is so much to feel Wonder about. Everyone is out and about. Christmas lights are up, in fact, just this morning I noticed someone who had wrapped their air conditioner in Xmas wrapping paper and a bow. Big ole Xmas present nestled right inside their window.

Also, while on Facebook, I came across a status update from Goddess Leonie Dawson and I quickly grabbed it as my Wonder (or grateful grain) for the day.

"There is not one thing you need to change about yourself to be beautiful. You already are. It's how you were born. True story mate!"

Not sure why, but it just stood out for me today.

What stood out for you?

Monday, November 19, 2012

Very true. Kudos to anyone who is trying any way, in any form.

“Writing or making anything—a poem, a bird feeder, a chocolate cake—has self-respect in it. You’re working. You’re trying. You’re not lying down on the ground, having given up.”   

-Sharon Olds

Friday, November 16, 2012

New Ventures ....and when they show their teeth.

Kids Yoga by lindsay satchell

                                                                   Kids Yoga, a photo by lindsay satchell on Flickr.

        And when she was good, she was very, very good. But when she was bad, she was horrid! 

This statement is something that I would most certainly tack onto my experience teaching my early morning yoga class, today. Not necessarily describing the children themselves, although, they were quite the wild bunch. I was thinking more of how a new venture can go from feeling marvelous, fun, even enlightening, to extremely challenging, almost verging on "what the hell am I doing?". In the blink of an eye it can completely get away from you, often leaving you wondering why the heck you got into this to begin with?

This is what I was feeling this morning when my usually very pro-yoga and, very enthusiastic group of 12 little yogis, couldn't quite quiet themselves down into easing into their criss-cross apple sauce pose. The pose which signifies the beginning of class.

With little help from an assistant teacher who was nearby, I found myself surrounded by this little sea of bursting energies. My youngest students are two-years old, which I personally find a bit too young for this type of yoga, at least without a guardian sitting somewhat close by. 

Well, after a little while of settling down, I was successfully able to get about five of them into position. The rest of the bunch were running around and tackling one another. I was getting nervous.

Somehow I was able to guide most of them through a full yoga class, but still, I sort of felt defeated. Veddy, veddy, defeated, in fact, truly wondering if working with kids is really a strong point? Funny, how a simple teacher's challenge could topple me over.

In my own life, I am not one to be surrounded by children, in fact, I don't even have any nieces or nephews. Regardless, I do fairly well with kids, I am not terribly unconfident.... well, until they start to break loose and go crazy, of course.

Following a yoga class, I usually sit with them and read a few books. They are, for the most part, fairly attentive and enjoy listening to the stories, even taking turns reading a few lines from the books that are read. Ahhhh, well, not today!

These haven't really been isolated events. I have had challenging classes before, but this one really took the prize.

What do ya do when you find yourself slipping into doubt? Is it somehow a strange sign that, welp, you might just have to move on? I guess I might be simply making a mountain out of a molehill, I know that I am. These instances go on all the time, right? Right?

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Chelsea and Papa Kebab

Today was just an oUt Of ThIs WoRlD fantastic day to finally step back into NYC again. Haven't been there since mid-October. Desperately needed a little Chelsea fix.

A mean case of lack of breakfast had quickly lead me to a Turkish restaurant on 17th Street, called Papa Kebab. Oh man, this stuff was good. Ordered the JoeJe Kebab, which consisted of tender pieces of chicken breast marinated in yogurt, saffron and Persian spices, grilled on skewers, and served with Basmati rice. The chicken was delightfully moist, and with just enough flavor, and the Basmati rice was the perfect companion. For a beverage, I ordered the Peach Ice Tea ....which I figured would be an old fashioned Peach flavored Snapple.... nope, all completely homemade teas at Papa Kebab.

chelsea styles by digitizedchaos

                                                             chelsea styles, a photo by digitizedchaos on Flickr.   

I chose to be seated at a table that was right against the window. Looking out I could see many passers- by. So many kids ranging from high schoolers to as young as grammar school age. All being let out for their lunch breaks.

At that moment I really wished that I had brought my camera, actually, there were quite a few moments today that I wish I had my camera on me. What an expression of fashion, individuality, friendship, diversity of nationality .....which is really typical of NYC and the whole Metro Area, isn't it? All these kids representing everything. Busting out at the seams. True selves.

The waiter came over and asked if I was interested in anything else. Passing on the Turkish coffee, I decided to ask for the check and be on my way.

Meandering around some,1pm quickly turned into 3pm, and then before I knew it, it was 5 o'clock and I figured that it was time to head home again.

Goodbye Crumbs Bake Shop hot cocoa, you were enjoyable, but not quite as enjoyable as a Starbucks hot cocoa. And gosh darn you, Starbucks, for having an incredibly long line ....yep, I know it was cold out, but still.

Luckily, the little white commuter bus was waiting across the street from the Port Authority, and before I knew, I was back my way home to Joisey.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Getting back on track

I can't even begin to list all of the changes that so many people have gone through in the last few weeks. Hurricane Sandy really packed a wallop.

Living for a whole week without power, little to no cell phone service, and the loss of heat. I have never had so many candles burning at one time. The addition of all of this candle light made this apartment nice and comfy and cozy, sort of romantic, but something I'd never want to be stuck with.

candles, a photo by rogerglenn on Flickr.
candles by rogerglenn
My "one- day- of- the- week" place of employment was horribly affected. Leaving me fearful that I might not even have a semi-job left. My heart ached as I walked through the store and saw what was left of the ground floor. So much to be done. So many thousands of dollars, literally washed away and taken by Sandy.

     We take so much for granted, I know that I am completely guilty of this. I will never forget the feeling that I had when I saw the little green light show up on the bottom of my Kindle, which was the only device that I had left plugged in to alert me when the power had come back on. Each day as I would return home from being out and about, the wish for that little light to be on was so great, I cannot tell you.

It was a long day of working at the store and trying to help clean up the mess. I was praying that I would come home to an apartment filled with electricity and heat, so many nearby neighbors had already received power, so I was in a real hopeful state of mind. My apartment building still looked dark but I noticed some lights on in a neighbors window. Sure enough, as I walked into my bedroom I quickly looked down and noticed this little saving grace of a light. I felt so grateful, really beyond words. Lights, heat, internet ....woohoo!!!

So many friends posting on Facebook about receiving power, or still waiting for power. We were all sort of in this together. Even friends who lived far away from this mess, all wishing good thoughts. Friends overseas chiming in, it really touched everyone.

This past weekend the store that I work for was bombarded with customers coming in to show their support. Of course, we had a great big sale on all items damaged by the flood, so that sort of lured people in, but still, many people purchased things that weren't on sale and we did more business this past weekend than we have done in years. So for all of the destruction that Sandy caused, she did come and grace us with some neighborly love. AND for that, and many other things that are too numerous to mention, I tip my hat to ya, Sandy. Just don't send that brother, Tony, of yours any time soon. :)

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

New venture

There is just something amazing and fulfilling about teaching yoga to children.

Quite a few months ago, I had envisioned teaching yoga classes to the children in my neighborhood. After completing a kid's yoga teacher training program last year, I sort of sat on that idea for awhile, actually quite awhile.

Marching into one of the nearby parks one day, fully equipped with my yoga mat and framed yoga certification, I made some connections with a few day care teachers that had their classes out for some exercise. A little while after that, I parked myself down on a blanket that I brought along, rolled out my yoga mat, and started to do some yoga poses. Ok, I did get some strange looks, as this is not a large park that most people would unwind and practice yoga in, or at least I've never seen as much.

In July of 2012, after connecting with a very generous day care owner who was willing to give it a try, I started teaching my first set of yoga classes.

To this day I cannot tell you who enjoys these classes more, the kids or me.

The classes consist of up to 20 little ones, aged 3 to 5. The laughter, the excitement, the faces that light up. It's all amazing. Having never worked with children before, I was surprised at just how cool it is to experience and be awed by their development. The rather shy child who came out of her shell and now prides herself on her Tree Pose. The sight of 20 little ones all in Criss Cross Applesauce Pose, aka Easy Pose, with eyes closed and hands resting on their knees in Guyan Mudra. Amazeballs! Seriously, these kids, with all their energy, sitting quietly, still, and us silently counting to ten (while we wait for our imaginary pizzas to cook in the oven), just blows me away.

Of course, there is the reality of working with 20 bursting little energies. It's not always easy, and on some days quite a few of them just don't want to do it. They would rather run around, lay down, pinch each other, what have you. They have their days, just like we do. It's all good.

All in all, this venture has proved to be nothing less than pure gold and I am more than grateful for it. What started out as a simple interest that wouldn't quite leave me, has ended up as a solid reality.

And if there is one thing that I've learned and have taken away from this, and it's been said over and over again by many, I know, is just to simply go with your gut. It's true. Follow that little bugger. It's scary, maybe be even a little hairy .... but it knows! It knows!

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Why not being good is good

Do you always have to be good? And by good, I'm talking about working on your craft every day, pursuing your dream every day, writing every day (which I would like to do, and strive to do, and will do!).

I don't know? Right now I am in the predicament of being off unemployment benefits and working only part time. Money is tight, dreams are scary and unclear, and all I want to do today is just go see a movie, damnit! Ideally, I should sit my butt down and call more child care centers for more yoga gigs. I should be pounding the pavement on the Web to find more part time work. Of course, there is this apartment that needs cleaning, too.

To ward off any depression, which is creeping in more than I would like to admit, I have been counting miracles. At least one miracle is to be found each day. It's actually easier than I thought, and will expand on this another time. My miracle today is Culture. And it is to be found in a movie theatre.

So I guess this day isn't so lost un-good. Seeing a movie is in keeping with my miracle a day, which could lead to more dreams, which could only offer me more of a full tank to hone my talents. At least this is what I'm telling myself.

Monday, August 27, 2012


I haven't visited "An Inquisitive Kat" in such a very long time. Partly due to inertia, largely due to overload.

A good many things have occurred in the last several months. Some of them quite good, and when I say "good", I mean life changing. And some that quite literally threw me for a loop, including the unexpected death of my brother at the oh so young age of 53.

We never know what will happen in life, but one thing that I'm fairly certain of is that with each event that occurs there is a definite and unique mark that is left on our spirit. Something is taken away from you, other things are added ....thankfully, hopefully, praise be to that spirit in the sky that they will be added, and quickly.

So here I am again at the "Inquisitive". Oozing gladness to be back. A little sadder, yes, but also equipped with great gusto to get back on track and continue to do some searching, loving, and living. Oh yeah!

Friday, June 22, 2012

R.I.P. my B

Not exactly sure how to breach this subject, as I always find it difficult to write about emotional things. I don't want to stay there, don't want to linger. Want it to be over, done with, "I'm fine, really". In fact, I was thinking of just bypassing this subject and waiting for some fun to come along and just post about that, but deep down inside I knew that I obviously could not go on without a mention of my little friend.

This past Monday I had to put my 13 yr. old cat, B, to sleep. He had been diagnosed with kidney disease in March and had only a bit of time left ....well, a few months to be exact OR a possibility of up to five years. At least that is what I was told by the vet and these statistics seemed to be confirmed though a good amount of Googling about the subject. And while I was certainly hoping for the five years, apparently his kidneys were well on their way to failing sooner than later and, by Sunday night, he could no longer walk.

After having him here with me for over ten years, my little black and white friend is gone. Although, I do still have my other cat, Lucinda, the apartment seems so bare, it's missing something. It's missing his personal touch. I will no longer see his circle on my bed. I will no longer experience his paw poking my closed eyelid when I didn't get up in the morning in time, or in my nose, or even pushing on my lips ....when his belly was empty, he was persistent.

I think back on what a great life he did have and also what a great life that I had enjoyed as a result of his antics ....he could be a Buster.

Always loving and always forgiving of my heavy head that would sometimes lay on his body and depend on it for support, comfort, a snuggle. It's just not the same without him. Much sadness, such great memories.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Feeling Spent

Looking back on the years that I was gainfully employed, there was never a flutter in my stomach about money, never a sense of dread upon waking. Well, that might actually be a lie, while there was never discomfort, there was numbness and sometimes numbness and lack of passion for your job can be the worst flutter of all.

As much as being laid off can be a blessing in disguise, I mean how many inspiring success stories have you heard about people starting their own businesses and fully embracing their passions, I know that I've heard lot's, but of course, when it comes down to the nitty gritty ....there is always the other side.

Which leads me to the actual beat of being unemployed, the tempo itself, which is challenging in it's own unique way. To be quite honest, I don't think I have ever experienced such feelings of paralysis, nervous exhaustion, and all around anxiety, as I have had to endure in the last couple of months. Some days are much better than others. At times it is simply a skittish feeling that seems to go up and down my spine, other times it feels as though my legs are filled with wet sand bags and I just don't want to move, and finally, there is always a visit from "Bob the blob", as I affectionately like to call him. He lovingly resides right in the middle of my chest, all 25 pounds of him. Thanks, Bob!

Seriously though, I don't mean to make light of this. Many people are struggling both financially and emotionally. Humor has always been a nice balm for me; sometimes forced, mostly natural, but always available. A good amount of people that I know who are unemployed are just trying to make it through. Sometimes I think that in addition to free services for computer classes, there really should be free massages, yoga sessions, and maybe even Burning Man festivals set up specifically for people who are unemployed.

Anyhow, just needed to let off some steam.

Any thoughts or experiences, please feel free to share.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Today I had every intention of writing a blog post about the isolation, frustration, and all out self-doubt that can often creep along with being unemployed and searching for a Real job, a.k.a ...dream job. This search can also be made even more difficult by the additional search for what some folks might call a "job-job", which is really just a sniglet for the supplemental job you sometimes need while pursuing your soul's calling, or a job in which there is absolutely no eye rolling required on the part of your friends or family.

Instead, I finding myself sitting here at my kitchen table and looking out the window at a very, very, very soggy and rather grey day, forcing me to be more pre-occupied with thoughts of comfort, sofa- cuddling, creativity, and perhaps spinning a few tunes on the turntable. 

So from my desk/kitchen table to yours, may I present a little rainy day magic from Louis and Ella...

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

I had promised myself to write a new blog entry each and every Monday. Preferably about some new start-up, or even just a new idea or adventure. This Monday came and went ...and nothing, nada. This morning, however, I was surfing the Web and the first piece of information that popped out at me and caused a little bit of a stir within, was a particular quote that was said to be made by the actress Katharine Hepburn.

"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun."

And so with a sweep of that statement, I am excusing myself from my Monday morning assignment least for this week... and for now, as Katharine might say, "on to the fun!".

Monday, May 21, 2012

Ventured, but not quite gained

What is it that keeps you motivated, keeps you interested and on your toes? Is it something that just presents itself? Something that just grabs a hold of you and doesn't let go the feeling you had when you met that one really cool person who went on to become your best friend? Who knew that was going to happen?

It always amazes me how many hobbies seem to just come and go. Maybe it's just me but I don't think that I am alone in this. You grab an interest, have a cup of coffee with it, then eventually feel that this one will shine, this is the one you will remain faithful to, motivated by. Then within six months, it's a knickknack.

Looking through my jewelry box today, I couldn't help but notice all of the pretty earrings that I had created about two years ago. Walking past a bead store in NYC one day, I decided to go in and take a peek at what was inside. Silver, gold, coral, turquoise, and just about every other color and texture under the sun. I quickly whipped out my debit card, had my beads and earring supplies bagged, and I was off on a new journey.

I now own about eight different pairs of homespun earrings. Earring creations that I posted on my Facebook profile that generated a good amount of attention, with lots and lots of love. Visions of business cards, business names, an Etsy shop, all filling my heart and head. Since I had been laid off from my job last year I have created a total of zero pairs, no actually I think I did create one pair, one! What the heck happened? Apparently, I have all the time in the world and end up only generating one pair of earrings. Where did that passion go? What the heck happened? How can do you get it back? How does one get whatever "it is" back? Anyone? Just wondering....

Monday, May 14, 2012

When a spark ignites

It was right about this time last year, while sitting in my neighborhood park, that I found myself experiencing such an urge to contribute in some way. Maybe I could play a part in creating some color, some activity ...a little added slice of soul, even?

`Watching the kid's play, I started to envision this same group of little gals, and maybe even little guys, all engaged in some yoga stretches. Yoga mats spread out in a circle, lots of smiles, giggles, and of course that one little bugger who refuses to participate, but somehow ALWAYS seems to purposely knock that ball into our small yoga court. AND I know he likes that dark haired little gal, he's just shy.

Rock ahead one year. I am now officially yoga kid certified. My park is still there, and apparently, my passion, which had actually been dormant for quite awhile.

Will this summer be the one season that this is played out, that I pull off what I was envisioning this time last year, when it all was just a dream in my much perplexed and highly unemployed state of being?

Not sure, but hoping to do some yoga mat fitting this weekend on a particular patch of grass that I had my eye set on last year. A patch made for making a difference, forging a dream, and of course, welcoming that little bugger with open arms.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Out of the head and into the body

It's a beginning of a new week and I was feeling the ole' need to start it with a brand new twist, in fact, I would love for every Monday to be stapled with a new activity, new discovery, new "ness" in some way.

Today was my first introduction to a dance class called 5 Rhythms. Eight of us ....two guys and six gals, danced our way through five different rhythms which would rock our bodies and spirits into various stretches, hip grinds, and virtually any other move our individual bodies would like to test out. And boy, did our TeMpLeS sing!

Music that would fall under such categories as Flowing, Staccato, Chaos, Lyrical, and lastly, Stillness.... all meant to shake up the dust.

In the end, I was breathless. For an hour and a half my mind was left to hang around just right outside the dance floor, with my coat and boots.

Why couldn't I do that most of the time? We need a rack for the mind, it would be a great invention. My body was the driver, the pencil on the paper. And in a nutshell ....Marvelous Monday!

Monday, February 13, 2012


The first week of March, which is fast approaching, will be the one year mark of being a member of the increasingly popular Unemployed Set.

In the beginning months it had been all but a race to explore all that previously had been unexplored. Violin lessons, volunteer work, museum visits, anything that I could possibly get my hands on that may strike a spark, ignite the heart.

Now a year later, and wishing I could ask Alfie "what's it all about?". I'm not sure if I'm entirely much wiser than I had been a year ago ....and unfortunately, also feeling quite unemployable.

Wonder if anyone else is out there feeling a bit the same way? Giving all you've got, and still, nothing seems to move...

Saturday, January 21, 2012

A day in the garden

The other day I journeyed on a trip to the Brooklyn Botanic Garden. Needed to get out, feel the air ...despite it being cold air and not quite the type of day that one traditionally spends in a garden, it felt like a good move on my part.

Admission was free, a rather big "woohoo" in my still unemployed state of affairs and I was also able to wonder through and explore a garden that once was, but was now, utterly bare. It felt invigorating in a way to simply walk around and experience this lack of bloom, this bareness, it was actually kind of cool now that I think of it.

The pond, slightly frozen over just at it's surface, the dryness of the trees without their proper green coats, and not a soul around. Couldn't have been a better day.   It actually almost made me feel as though the garden was there simply with it's bare and grey open arms, ready to refuel my tank.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

My blog ...and how it all started

January 2011 would be my anniversary. My anniversary of declaring that life as I knew it, would not AND could not, be the same as it was the past year, as it was for even the past five years. Nope, life as I knew it was going to change, was going to blossom. It was break out time, no need to stay in the box anymore.

Well, several weeks after that silent declaration, it arrived notice of being laid off. After 13 plus years in the same job, same routine, almost the same set of co-workers year after year, it was over just like that. This blog is in keeping with the inquisitive journey that I was forced to have, that I needed, maybe even wished for, yes, most definitely wished for.